Umm I'm too high to move.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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