I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
