Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
