I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
