She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
