fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
