he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
