I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
