Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize