Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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