So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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