You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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