Will you blow on my dice?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
