My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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