So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
