Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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