your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
