the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
