I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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