I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
