You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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