I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
