I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
