There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
