mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
