I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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