The best revenge is premature balding
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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