I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
