he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
