Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she pinky promised me she was 18
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
