woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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