I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Houston, we have a blender
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
