YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
