if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
