glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
