Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
