after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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