Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
