you're like a bully in the Christmas story
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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