i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
