So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
