So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
