I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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