ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
