I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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