So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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