Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
