Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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