she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
