he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
