Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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